... again ... trusting again

The words still don't come. This must be a season of just listening and standing. Resting in doing what we've chosen for therapy. I know the therapy won't benefit her unless He blesses it. I pray for His blessing. I know Jesus did not turn away those who came asking for life, asking for health... I know He hears me and loves me. I know He hears Elysia pray for healing. My heart twists when she says, "Help me, God." His compassion is so much more than mine-- how is He moved by that? I know I am Abba's child, and He knows what is best for the masterpiece He desires-- the one He is creating from our lives.
Inside the battle continues, I am always amazed at the feelings and thoughts that arise: the thoughts of others regarding her, "No- she's not retarded... who cares if she was?" "No we are not girlfriends... this is my child." Shame tries to drizzle itself all over us. When shame goes on a coffee break, there's anger to step in.
I share this because I believe He wants me to. I pray this will help someone else-- no you're not alone. He is always with you. He said He would never leave us nor forsake us. I know He's been with me and is with me, or I'd have succumed to defeat. He gives me strength to carry on, and He gives me peace inside this chaos.
I see His beautiful hands shaping and working -- I trust Him for the masterpiece. I trust His decision regarding what is beautiful and desirable. Standing in the waiting must be something beautiful to Him. Maybe those are the moments He fertilizes trust, love, and joy. His fertilizer bag has PEACE and REST written all over it.
These days, Lord, I've lost the words to pray my requests for healing. I don't seem able to repeat my situation again. I only have the desire to be with You in that place for your peace and rest. I need to lie my head down against you while you hold me. I know you love me. That is my treasure. That is enough, Jesus. That is enough.
These days are prayers with another tongue. I rely on the Holy Spirit to use my spirit to pray. I am trusting. I am hoping in my great Hope. I cannot without You.