graduation

Last night was graduation for Ely's "class".
The week prior to June 3rd felt especially draining emotionally. The bombarding thoughts of "She could've..." pounded my heart. I stay surprised at the ways the Lord will level any ground within us when we request that. It is not my desire to hold fast to "could've" nor do I want to waste one moment of joy by trading in for regret... sometimes the lines connecting me to the past and the future trip me in the present.
I sat down to write congratulations cards to some of Ely's closest friends and family, and I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions and memories. I remember writing "Life is full of mysteries..." I remember feeling the Lord was speaking more to me than I was writing to these few people.
Will the way ever be clear? Will I always be extending a hand from my heart to feel my way?
In those moments when there are no explanations, no words... I ask for help to count my blessings.
My daughter is alive. She is not in a vegetative state. She can communicate with me. She can wrap her arms around me and tell me she loves me to the moon and back. Her viewpoint is one of deep love and tenderness... she is gentle, she is kind. She did not receive a diploma on this night. She didn't receive any acknowledgments or awards. She sat observing from the sidelines with a smile.
I enjoyed watching Ely look over her former classmates with such love. She smiled and told me their names from the stands. My husband's eyes were full of tears as he protectively sat beside Ely. I was thankful the Lord gave me strength NOT to go into that could've land... I was blessed to share with Ely enjoying the accomplishments of others. She teaches me what love is. I don't know if I would be brave enough to live her life, in her shoes. I don't think I am selfless enough. I will praise God for allowing my beautiful daughter to be my teacher and one of my best friends.
I praise God that He is mysterious and yet faithful to instruct and reward. My reward is His love. He shares so much of His love through Ely and her new nature.

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.